On a scale of 1 to 10, what is your \u201cfear\u201d level when it comes to public speaking? If it is anything above a 3 (as it was for me) then read on. If it is 3 or less and you are wondering why you are still nervous \u2013 You should know that it is actually a good thing to be a bit nervous \u2013 Being somewhat nervous, actually makes you perform better and keeps you more focused and alert while you are speaking.<\/p>\n
So why is it that we are panic stricken when we are called up to give a public talk? Whether you are\u00a0asked for your opinion at you company’s board meeting, being asked to give a toast at your\u00a0best friends wedding or even asked to give a eulogy at a relative\u2019s\u00a0funeral, just the \u201cidea\u201d of public speaking, drives us to run miles away from the speaking\u00a0platform.<\/p>\n
In fact, it was Jerry Seinfeld who once said that, \u201cAccording to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.\u201d Believe me, I know that what Jerry Seinfeld had said rings to be very true; because up until about 10 years ago, it was I who would have rather been in the casket than have to give the eulogy. So why is it that many people rank the fear of public speaking greater than the fear of death?<\/p>\n
One evening a few years ago, I was browsing through the Judaic section in Barnes & Noble and I came across a chapter from \u201cThe\u00a0Ethics\u00a0of our Fathers.\u201d And I was reading through chapter three and what was written in verse 11 just jumped out at me. It stated that “When one humiliates their friend in public, they will have no\u00a0share in the next world.” So I wondered -why does the Judaic scripture go so far as to talk about punishment for a person who embarrasses and humiliates another in public? Because it also stated that when someone humiliates another in public, it is as if he had spilled their blood!<\/p>\n
So In other words, when you are humiliated in public, you \u201cfeel\u201d as if you are \u201cdying.\u201d We all can remember those moments when we related an embarrassing moment to a friend and we said \u201cI was so embarrassed, the blood rushed to my face and I felt like I was dying.\u201d So after Leaving Barns & Noble later that evening, I came to the realization as to why people put fear of public speaking and death in the same category. My realization was this; we are panic stricken when we think of giving a talk in public because we \u201cFEAR\u201d that we will become embarrassed or humiliated.<\/p>\n
Are you staying away from the speaking platform because you fear being humiliated or embarrassed in front of your peers, friends or family. You see, as I said earlier, I would have rather jumped off a bridge than have to give a talk in front of an audience. It sounds crazy, but that is where I was up until about 10 years ago. Whenever people asked me to say something at a family or social event, I would often run the other way. But sometimes I had been put on the spot, and with nowhere to run, I had no choice. You name it, I had it \u2013 no matter what the size of the audience was, I had trembling hands, sweaty palms, a palpitating heart rate and yes, I also had the frog in my throat! So how did I conquer my fear? And better yet, how can you conquer yours? Read on.<\/p>\n
There are three kinds of confidence:<\/p>\n
Performance confidence is just that. You have done something so many times that you have absolutely no problem doing it again and again because you have the \u201cbelief\u201d in yourself that you can do it. Take driving a car for example. Did you get into your car this morning and wonder whether you can drive or not. I would guess that you didn\u2019t even think twice about it! Because you have done it so many times, that driving actually became second nature to you. This is performance confidence. Performance confidence is great, however, it is not what you want to aim for when you are new to public speaking and your nervousness and anxiety is off the charts, as it was for me.<\/p>\n
Rehearsal confidence is the increase in your confidence as you practice something and in our case it would be a speech or presentation. So the more your practice, the greater the confidence you will have in yourself. Rehearsal confidence is very good to have, but when you are just starting out and working to decrease your anxiety with public speaking, you need to be very aware of your rehearsal\/action ratio. This is the ratio of your practice time versus how long you wait until you will actually do your presentation.<\/p>\n
When I first started out in public speaking, my rehearsal\/action ratio was out of whack. I suffered from something called \u201cpre-mature performance confidence syndrome\u201d, which basically trapped me in a cycle of never ending practice. Since I had so much fear of public speaking, I always wanted to make sure that I was \u201cprefect\u201d and wanting to be perfect led me to always practice, practice and still practice some more.<\/p>\n
My practicing put me in a never ending cycle, which ultimately kept me trapped in \u201cpractice mode\u201d with very little \u201cstage time\u201d in front of live audiences. So remember, that when you first start out in public speaking, you want to initially stay away from the desire for performance and rehearsal confidence and you want to totally embrace \u201cacceptance confidence.\u201d<\/p>\n